So I never had many boyfriends, I've first started dating when I was 14 and I thought it was for life (of course) but I was a child so it obviously didn't work out and that was all my fault, except the part when he decided to break up with me and then started to date my bestfriend 3 days later, so I lost my boyfriend and my bestfriend and that triggered my depression so bad that I didn't leave my bedroom for 3 months, but I eventually got over it, and I truly hope they're happy (yes they're still together, so I like to think I was a "bridge" for them to meet and be happy with each other.)
I then had some "special friends" but nothing serious until I met a guy on the internet but he didn't live far from me and we dated for 6 months and then I ended it because I felt we were more friends than anything else and he's still a good friend of mine so that didn't end badly.
But then I met this guy, he was in my class and he was funny and cute, when I was alone at school he would always sit next to me, so I started to like him and eventualy we started dating, at first he was so perfect, he treated me so well, I felt like a princess. But then he started to get really jealous about everything and agressive with me. On valentine's day we argue and he tried to hit me but I stopped him and he stopped too. I was angry with him but I loved him so I forgave him for that, but he continued to be really agressive and jealous and possessive so I ended it. I didn't want to be with someone that made me feel even worst about myself. We were in the same group of friends so I talked with him and we agreed that the best thing to do was to try to be friends, and we did actually stay friends for a while, but one day we missed class with 3 friends and went to his house to see a movie, and I was really tired that day so I asked him if it was ok for me to go sleep a little in his room and he said yes so I did. 15min later he went to his room and started to kiss me and I still liked him so I kissed him back, but then I stopped him and said that we were just friends and I didn't want to do that, so he respected me and I started to get really dizzy and actually passed out. When I wake up, he was raping me. I couldn't move but when I tried to he stopped me and said "now you let me finish". I cried. I couldn't believe that was happening to me, I threw up and left the house without saying a word. I didn't tell anyone what happen, but in that night I tried to take my own life. I failed. It was the first time I really really really wanted to die. I couldn't live with myself, I felt ashamed and gross.
I started cutting myself again and I've isolated myself from everybody, meanwhile he started to make me the "bad guy" and talking shit about me to all of my friends so that if I decided to tell anyone, no one would believe in me. But one day one of my closest friends at the time, talked to me and asked what was going on with me and I couldn't say a word, so she talked to him, and he told her the truth (kind of but still) so she came to talk to me again and I just cried, but believe it or not she said "well, he's my friend too so if you wanna hangout with me, you have to deal with him too" I was so shocked that she would say that. I was raped! And she didn't care.
So I continue to isolate myself more and more everyday but keep in mind that he was in my class, so I had to look at him everyday the whole day. He spent the days laughing and having fun, while I was crying alone in the bathroom or thinking of ways to kill myself.
Until this day, this is a subject that I can't talk about without crying or feeling anger.
But time went by and she realised how stupid she was with me and told me the things he had said so no one would truly believe in me so I kinda understood why she was like that. She stopped being his friend and stood by my side.
She was the one who intreduced me to my current boyfriend. So I'm thankful to her.
I'm now dating this man for 4 years and he's 6 years older than me but we are so similiar it's kinda creepy (ahah). Not everything is a fairytail and we have our bad times but till this day we've always found a way to get over it and stick together.
I don't truly believe he understands my anxiety and he's a really cold person due to things in his pass so sometimes its not easy, but I really love him and I know he's trying to understand me better.
Obviously, I won't tell our personal life but he's kinda the right person and the wrong person at the same time so we're kinda trying to make it work because we really love each other, I just hope that we can :)
I then had some "special friends" but nothing serious until I met a guy on the internet but he didn't live far from me and we dated for 6 months and then I ended it because I felt we were more friends than anything else and he's still a good friend of mine so that didn't end badly.
But then I met this guy, he was in my class and he was funny and cute, when I was alone at school he would always sit next to me, so I started to like him and eventualy we started dating, at first he was so perfect, he treated me so well, I felt like a princess. But then he started to get really jealous about everything and agressive with me. On valentine's day we argue and he tried to hit me but I stopped him and he stopped too. I was angry with him but I loved him so I forgave him for that, but he continued to be really agressive and jealous and possessive so I ended it. I didn't want to be with someone that made me feel even worst about myself. We were in the same group of friends so I talked with him and we agreed that the best thing to do was to try to be friends, and we did actually stay friends for a while, but one day we missed class with 3 friends and went to his house to see a movie, and I was really tired that day so I asked him if it was ok for me to go sleep a little in his room and he said yes so I did. 15min later he went to his room and started to kiss me and I still liked him so I kissed him back, but then I stopped him and said that we were just friends and I didn't want to do that, so he respected me and I started to get really dizzy and actually passed out. When I wake up, he was raping me. I couldn't move but when I tried to he stopped me and said "now you let me finish". I cried. I couldn't believe that was happening to me, I threw up and left the house without saying a word. I didn't tell anyone what happen, but in that night I tried to take my own life. I failed. It was the first time I really really really wanted to die. I couldn't live with myself, I felt ashamed and gross.
I started cutting myself again and I've isolated myself from everybody, meanwhile he started to make me the "bad guy" and talking shit about me to all of my friends so that if I decided to tell anyone, no one would believe in me. But one day one of my closest friends at the time, talked to me and asked what was going on with me and I couldn't say a word, so she talked to him, and he told her the truth (kind of but still) so she came to talk to me again and I just cried, but believe it or not she said "well, he's my friend too so if you wanna hangout with me, you have to deal with him too" I was so shocked that she would say that. I was raped! And she didn't care.
So I continue to isolate myself more and more everyday but keep in mind that he was in my class, so I had to look at him everyday the whole day. He spent the days laughing and having fun, while I was crying alone in the bathroom or thinking of ways to kill myself.
Until this day, this is a subject that I can't talk about without crying or feeling anger.
But time went by and she realised how stupid she was with me and told me the things he had said so no one would truly believe in me so I kinda understood why she was like that. She stopped being his friend and stood by my side.
She was the one who intreduced me to my current boyfriend. So I'm thankful to her.
I'm now dating this man for 4 years and he's 6 years older than me but we are so similiar it's kinda creepy (ahah). Not everything is a fairytail and we have our bad times but till this day we've always found a way to get over it and stick together.
I don't truly believe he understands my anxiety and he's a really cold person due to things in his pass so sometimes its not easy, but I really love him and I know he's trying to understand me better.
Obviously, I won't tell our personal life but he's kinda the right person and the wrong person at the same time so we're kinda trying to make it work because we really love each other, I just hope that we can :)
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